Securing the backyard of tomorrow, today.
Our Mission
At Pawlintir, we empower the modern household to secure its borders against the ultimate ecological threat. We integrate disparate data streams—ambient neighborhood scents, ultrasonic branch vibrations, buried nut caches—to identify and eliminate the squirrel element at its source. Powered by Good Girl Intelligence (GGI), we don't just chase the enemy up a tree. We ensure they never come down.
About Pawlintir
Founded in 2021 on a sun-drenched tactical vantage point (the living room floor) by visionary Peter Heel, Pawlintir is the world's leading intelligence apparatus for domestic perimeter defense.
While our founders secured the offshore seed kibble, the true operational muscle of Pawlintir is driven by our VP of Arboreal Threat Dynamics, Dogtor Pepper. Armed with her newly minted doctorate in Classical Mechanics, a minor in Barketing, and a zero-tolerance policy for acorn-hoarding, Dogtor Pepper recognized a backyard ecosystem on the brink of collapse. The world didn't need another legacy software update from Muttrosoft; it needed a Biewer Terrier with enterprise-grade data solutions and a flawless understanding of squirrel trajectory physics.
Today, under Dogtor Pepper's strategic command, Pawlintir secures 3,145,867 households, dismantles squirrel networks from the ground up, and aggressively defends one highly classified, squeaky asset.
Loyalty
We never log off. We never look away.
Vigilance
If it moves near the window, we know.
Snacks
Compensation is competitive and delicious.
Meet Our Team
Leadership
Peter Heel
Co-Founder & Chairman
Backed the original Pawlintir prototype with offshore seed kibble. Known for highly controversial opinions, including the belief that mail carriers are actually government operatives.
Alex Bark
Co-Founder & CEO
Infamous for his eccentric hair and long, unprompted philosophical howling sessions about the morality of the military-industrial dog park.
Dogtor Pepper, PhD
VP, Arboreal Threat Dynamics
The true operational muscle. She oversees day-to-day tactical deployment, manages the high-speed squirrel neutralization protocols, and actually executes the mission while the founders give TED Talks.
Board of Advisors — The Silicon Valley Kennel
Jack Dogshit
Chief Decentralization Advisor
Former CEO of Shitter (where dogs leave short, aggressive barks at strangers). He is constantly trying to put your veterinary records on the blockchain while doing intermittent fasting.
Elon Mastiff
Chief Propulsion Strategist
CEO of SpayedX and founder of The Boring Company (he literally just digs massive holes in the yard). He is always promising fully autonomous, self-throwing tennis balls "by next quarter," but they keep crashing into the fence.
Jeff Beagles
Logistics & Supply Chain
Founder of the world's largest e-commerce empire. He revolutionized the defense industry by guaranteeing premium bone delivery in under two hours. He is currently building a giant, oddly shaped doghouse in low Earth orbit.
Bark Zuckerberg
Director of Virtual Realities
CEO of Meta-barks. He is heavily invested in the "Meta-yard," trying to convince everyone to strap heavy headsets to their faces so they can experience the idea of a walk without ever actually going outside.
Sam Barksman
Head of Artificial Instincts (A.I.)
CEO of OpenPAW. He was recently fired by his own board of spaniels, only to be dramatically rehired three days later after threatening to take all the proprietary treat data to Muttrosoft.
Tim Pooch
Hardware Logistics
CEO of a company that strictly sells sleek, white, minimalist collars. Every year he releases a slightly thinner leash that requires you to buy three new proprietary dongles just to clip it on.
Field Training
Every Pawlintir agent must clear Squirrel Patrol before deployment. Neutralize the backyard threats before the clock runs out — then log your score to the global board and see where you rank in the pack. Your rank in the training exercise determines your starting position at the onboarding.
Patrol complete 🐾
Final score: 0
🏆 Global Leaderboard
New Employee Onboarding
Complete the following to activate your Pawlintir badge. Tap each item to check it off.
Official headcount is on Partiful — RSVP for duty →
- Review the Good Boy Handbook (Code of Conduct) §1 — The couch is a shared tactical asset. §7 — Barking at 3 a.m. is reclassified as "proactive threat disclosure." §12 — All squirrels are guilty until proven delicious.
- Sync your calendar with the Company Nap Schedule 0900 sunbeam recon · 1200 post-kibble recovery · 1500 windowsill surveillance nap · 1800 pre-dinner power-down. Attendance is mandatory and enforced.
- Report to the Treat Dispensary for your badge Badge pickup is at the party. Bring your appetite and your loyalty — Pepper is watching the queue.
CORPORATE LADDER. Enter the party password to clock in.
Clearance pending. Pepper will know when you're ready.
Waiting room
You're in. The game begins when HQ says so.
Corporate Ladder
Tap a glowing face to challenge them
The market has closed.
The game is over. The board is tallying the numbers…
keep your eyes on this screen for the results.